There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
