Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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