I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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