4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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