I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
