I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dick very happy bro
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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