Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
