dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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