I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
