I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
