God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
