so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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