I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
