I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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