i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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