the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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