I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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