Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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