is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
