i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
