i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
