I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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