Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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