i just had sex bonerless
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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