im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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