im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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