giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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