I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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