We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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