And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
