she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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