We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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