I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
