She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
