ugly people sure do ruin things
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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