bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
