How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
