Ambien. No doubt about it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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