Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
