i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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