i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
