I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
