I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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