I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
