You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
