I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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