i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
