do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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