im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
