He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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