I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
