you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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