Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
