Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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