as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
