maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
