Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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