He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
