Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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