i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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