ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize