so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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