oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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