You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
