I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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