i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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